Saturday, October 27, 2012


Every now and then I like to reflect back on my life and evaluate what has happened. It was about this time last year that becoming more active in the awareness gig was more and more important.  I felt such outrage when I heard about fellow pain pals needlessly suffering.  The ignorance of the medical community as well as our peers made me see red.  I was frustrated with myself and with the fact that it was clear that I was only getting worse, and getting back to work wasn't an option.

There was a time when I considered myself a realist. That meant that not only did I see the glass as half empty, I fully believed that what was left would be taken away. Expect the worst and hope for the best was my philosophy.  It worked for a while.  When my niece died from SIDS, I needed to find some way to deal with it.  Being a realist wasn't helping me cope.  There had to be a reason for this, some justice or a bigger plan.  If that wasn't the case life was just not worth living, which is how I felt about it.  This taught me to start looking for the good in everything, including the death of Katherine Mary.  I saw how her life touched others and the ripples from that touch, even though she was only seen alive by a few of us.  She lived 16 hours and in that time she changed lives, and maybe still since I’m talking about her now. I looked at all the good things that came from her life and how it changed me.  I've always loved the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” because it showed how one life touches another and how a simple act of kindness can mean the world to someone else.  This was the real life version of that.  I looked at my life then and saw all of this.

Flashback to 2009: that was the year I found Facebook.  I had just resigned from my job as an instructor at the dodo, and I mourned that part of my life.  I cried when I realized that I was no longer that reliable person; I felt horrible to let my sensei down. That wasn't who I was as a person.  I have always loved to help people, and now not only was I not helping I was being a hindrance. 
I had found Facebook though and with that came friends from HS.  One of them happened to be watching the news and saw a news clip on the medical section about this device being used in clinical trials for chronic migraine, so she thought of me.  I got the information and called the next day.  It was a Friday.  I spoke to Maria the nurse assisting with the study and she told me that one of the conditions of the study is that I would have to stop Botox.  As it happened my insurance was being an ass and denying it, so fate made me able to qualify.  The down side was this: there was a possibility that I could be in the placebo group, and that meant 6 weeks without anything.  My pain was already off the charts.  Botox was helping significantly with the muscle tension and pain I had in my face, head and neck, the thought of life without it was terrifying.  I told Maria I would have to think about it, but I would let her know by Monday.

That weekend was one of the longest weekends of my life. I needed help. I was desperate enough to try an experimental surgery, but the time without any meds to assist and knowing the pain I would be facing terrified me.  On the other hand there was that chance I wouldn't be in the placebo group and I would get some relief. I struggled back and forth and was not going to do it; I decided that the pain was not worth it.  Then something happened that I hadn't ever considered: my daughter got her first migraine.  That changed everything.  This was not about me anymore. This was all about her.

There was no way I could leave this legacy of pain to her. I called Maria and said I was in.  This was a way to help myself and thousands of other people, and to be proactive about finding help for my daughter.  Fate was with me and everything flew through.  All lights were green.  I had my first surgery March 30th.  I even felt great after the surgery. I had really good pain meds. If I hadn't had staples in my chest I would've felt like I would've gone to the dodo.
That didn't last.  I went to get programs for the newly implanted device. My doctor didn't do external trials at this time so there was no way to tell what would work before surgery. It was horrible; the leads weren't deep enough and it was like being stabbed with a thousand pins all over the back of my head, and I could only use it sitting a certain way and only for a few minutes. It was clear that another surgery was needed to fix it. So in June I had another surgery to put them in deeper.  It made a huge difference: clearly I wasn't in the placebo group.  I went and got a few programs and I improved.  September came and so did the evidence of a staph infection, which meant another surgery. The whole thing had to be pulled out.

With each surgery I was given the option to opt of the study.  They felt awful that I had to go through all of this, including having to shave the back of my head now for the 3rd time.  They completely understood if I wanted to be finished with the whole thing after all I've been through.  I again thought of my daughter, my own pain, and then all of the people I could help. I had six weeks to think about it. During the time that I had it from June through August, did it really help?  Was it worth going through all this again? They would be doing it on the other side of my body so that meant more scars, two on my chest where my battery was and would be.  As the surgery date approached in November, each day I was more and more sure, that YES it was worth it. 

From that point on I wanted stims for everyone! I had a much more successful program. It has been running for 3 years. I believe that out of the group I was in of 150 people, mine was the only problem. They were stunned that when the stim was turned on that the relief wasn't instant.  This just dawned on me last month.  I did realize in July, during my trip to Baltimore and the Migraine in the Mall event, that I had achieved a level of pain relief that I had never had before.  Finally my insurance stopped being difficult and I had the coverage and dosage I needed, and my meds and the stim had brought me back to a place I hadn't been in 10 years.
My kids have no idea who I am.  They don’t remember a time when I wasn't sick and they have had to learn how to live without a mother for the time it took to get to this point.   I knew three years ago that this thing was going to be huge and if I could do anything as far as advocacy it would be because of this device.  I have to laugh when people tell me that it seems to them that lately that I've been "stim, stim, stim." There has never been a time that I wasn't "stim, stim, stim." This isn't a cure, it is just a way to deal with our pain.  It is the first step in the awareness that there is a problem and that we need the research to find a cure.  I don’t want my daughter to have to become chronic before she can get help and then have to have a stim like I have. 

Technology evolves so fast that in six months your phone is outdated.  In the three years that I've become active in the migraine community and I've made some close friends.  I knew that they could benefit from this type of surgery and all this time I searched for a place like Advanced Migraine Relief and Treatment Centers to be able to bring that relief to us.  Well, they found me because of the ribbon I had created less than a year before to help raise awareness for Chronic Migraine
So here I am three years later and I've now formed a Nonprofit Organization. The ribbon has just had its first anniversary.  The support group that only last year was a small chat group to escape the discussion of episodic migraineurs, now has about 700 members.  The public page went live in November and now has close to 1,700 people. What started out as a way to save my daughter from this existence, has become my life’s mission. I’m not giving up until she has better choices than we have. My grandchildren will know that migraines were something that kind of sucked to have, but they don’t need to worry about them, so next topic.  Chronic Migraines will be the new Polio. 

I have done what I set out to do in starting to bring the stim to those that needed it. The next step is bringing about awareness.  We need to educate the medical and lay person that this is not a headache. If it were easy to treat we wouldn't be suffering. There is no joy in this life, there is only suffering and agony. Until there are better options for my daughter and her children I’m going to keep on going. The bonus is that along this path I get to pick up those who need relief and bring them along with me. 

Sharing treatments that have had success in relieving my pain, as well as things that have worked for others, will always be a part of CMA. Helping people find options for themselves is so incredibly important. When before I looked back at the things that were, now I see that the what started out as ripples are quickly becoming waves is something I would love to share as well.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Ho Hum

Do you remember a time in your life when you wanted to be special? For me it was when I was a child. Being one of six, it was survival of the fittest. Whoever needed the most attention was the one that got it. When I remember telling my father about my first migraine--what was happening to my vision and how my hand was numb and I was partially blinded--his answer was to give me an aspirin and tell me to lay down. If that were happen today, we would be rushing our kids to the hospital!! 

Two of my favorite quotes are "be careful what you wish for" and "you don't always get what you want, you get what you need". I got my wish in an unexpected way. I became special in the sense that the doctors couldn't agree as to what was wrong with me. Having to make visit after visit to various doctors became tiring, and we kept finding nothing. So I kept living with the pain.
Around the pain of the migraines, my "superpowers" really showed themselves. I could predict the weather based on how my head felt. I was like Storm from X-Men, but nowhere near as fit. Let's not even discuss the costume! So I wished to be special and I was. But I didn't want to be special anymore, I just wanted to be pain-free.
After years of struggle with doctors and medicines I have found a combination of things that help me with my pain. My "superpowers" aren't as strong, but neither is my pain. Now for the first time I'm happy to be the simple person that I am.

There is nothing special about me being able to achieve pain relief. It is there for all to have; all you have to do is want it. I'm not saying it is easy; it took me years of struggle to achieve relief--but with the right support you can get it. Don't let yourselves suffer. Don't let the medical field tell you how to feel and never accept the pain you are living in. There are so many things that Chronic Migraine aggravates; relief in one area could mean the beginning of healing in others. Everyone needs to stand up for their right to live pain free. We should be happy: there is nothing happy about pain.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Beyond Survival

I went to Baltimore in July this year. But it gets better. I went with my daughter...and I had the chance to meet up with another member of CMA (Chronic Migraine Awareness - NOTE: we need a link to something here!!)).

We were there to have our first out-of-state event in an attempt to bring Awareness of our condition to as many people of we could. Our mission was a success, but I also got something that I didn't count on...  Something that I thought I lost... Me! I found a little bit of myself that I didn't remember I had.

And it didn't stop there, because I also found out that I actually like my children.

Saying that I like my children may sound like a horrible thing.  How could someone not like their own kids???? I love them; I would give my life for them.  I am dedicating my life right now, in part, to making sure that my daughter (and my son, though, fortunately, it appears he isn't "blessed" with migraine) is not left with this legacy of pain. I love them, but sometimes, when I am feeling at my worst, it really isn't easy to LIKE them. It isn't easy to LIKE anyone...or anything. I realized that not liking my children was yet another part of my disease. A part that I can't imagine ANYONE being happy with. That I can't imagine anyone could possible like.

I realized that my body was telling me that I needed to be selfish in order to heal...but...

Nature is so smart.  It makes sure that we know what we have to, in order to survive.  The most essential of those things is the will to live.   If exposed to extremely cold temperatures, a body will consolidate and make sure to protect the trunk of the body and all its vital organs (this actually shows up for people with migraine as the co-morbid problem of Raynaud's Syndrome or Phenomenon). Fingers get cold. Even frostbite can ensue, all because of how one's body deals with "life." Things like arms and legs are just a luxury as far as Nature is concerned.  

It dawned on me that the same thing happens to us mentally.  When things become too overwhelming for us mentally, we shut down, find ways to cope, do what we need to maintain our sanity.  All of this is in order to survive.

Survival is a selfish thing.  It doesn't care if you have someone that you need to take care of or that you have any responsibilities.  All it cares about is having you continue on.  So like a good electrician, when there is too much power being drawn from the power source, things have to be shut down.  It is Survival Mode.  The thing is, the Survival Instinct doesn't send out notices; it acts unilaterally from the wants of the rest of the body, especially the psyche.  We know that there are bills to be paid, laundry to be done, errands to run, and, of course, family.  This is one of those things that draws a lot of power. What does the electric company do? They reduce the load, shut down systems. There are rolling brown outs.   That is what this disease does to our bodies.  It tries to share the load.  There is only so much energy to go around.

Relationships are a lot of work; it doesn't matter who it is with.  Nature knows this. It keeps us isolated in order to preserve energy. It shuts down our ability to communicate. It closes off our get-up-and-go...and our ability to do anything. We no longer have the ability to do anything, since all of our energy is focused on our ability to simply exist. To breathe. The only thing the disease can't reach is our mind.  

Nature really doesn't have to do anything when it comes to the mind.  We do that on our own.  We feel guilt for things we aren't doing. If we had something more visual - like polio - we wouldn't put the pressures we do on ourselves.  Unfortunately, this is, in part, because so few people actually recognize the fact that we hurt. That we are disabled. We push through the pain; we push through past the point that even nature says is acceptable, but that isn't enough because it doesn't match what we used to do when we "had a life," when we were doing more than just hanging on to what life was.

Let yourself off the hook!  There are things you can control; there are things you can't. We can't control what the disease does to our bodies, but we can chose not to let it win.  Nature has its own agenda. You have the will to live. What you do with it is up to you. If you want to survive emotionally and physically be like nature and find a way!!

"Do not go gently into that good night"

My next trip will be to Houston, Texas to meet with Dr. Chapman and the people at Advanced Migraine.  I didn't know life could be like this again.  Stay tuned to see what come up next

Be sure to check out our website.  We will be updating it often and now will be offering live chat on Wed nights.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

This one goes to 11

What makes having chronic migraine disease different from having episodic migraines? People who have chronic migraine disease suffer from 15 or more migraine days per month a month, lasting for 4 hours or more. That means that each and every month, at least half of the time you see these people, chances are they are in extreme pain.  But, really, this is just the tip of the iceberg. This definition says nothing about what living this type of "life" can mean.

When I was first diagnosed as chronic in 2003, it was really just putting a name to what I already knew. At that time, I had high hopes that it was the beginning of feeling better. In reality, what happened was the start of months, month after month, of doctors telling me "we" would this medicine or that therapy and see what happens.  At that time, I was still able to push through, go about my life, continued to train in martial arts and do all those mom things.  As time went on though, this became more and more difficult.

People don't realize just how hard it is to "push through the pain," but it's hard. By 2009, I had to quit doing the thing I loved most, martial arts.  Next to my family, Kempo Martial Arts was my biggest love.  I had found something that gave me joy, and now it was becoming impossible instruct classes; it was equally impossible to even take classes myself.  

I had always been that reliable person.  If you needed something I was there, but now I was no longer that woman; I had become less reliable.  Chronic migraine took my job, and my enjoyment of life. Also, because it has become more difficult to drive, due to pain and auras.  The medications that were tried did nothing but pack on the pounds. I may have worked hard at keeping them off, but the medications made short work of that. This is what being chronic means...that, little by little, your life is stolen from you.  You are no longer the person you once were.   

Now, we add the pain!! Pain is so subjective. We are given a pain scale numbered 0-10. Zero means no pain, 10 is the worst pain you've ever felt.  I used to compare it to child birth - being I wasn't lucky enough to have an epidural, I felt it all. Back in 2003, my daily pain, according to this scale, was about a 4-6; by 2009, it was 8-10 DAILY.  It was so bad that I agreed to be a part of an experimental treatment for a peripheral nerve stimulator (it is soon to be approved by the FDA, and similar devices are already being used).  

Even this isn't enough to describe what being chronic means.  At some point, we begin to realize that how we once got by is no longer good enough.  We can no longer push through, because now the migraines push back, and we pay for it with more pain.  We actually go through a grieving process, mourning our old lives and who we used to be, what we used to be able to do.  Support for us is needed now more than ever, but instead, we are often treated as whiners and malingerers - as if we wouldn't want to do anything and everything in our power to NOT have this happen to find a way to end the pain.  

But back to that pain scale.  Anyone living in chronic pain, any kind of chronic pain, uses this scale.  Some people will say they have never had a 10, because they can always imagine something worse.  This maybe true, or it could be a way of coping/denial that things aren't really that bad.  People that are severely, or intractably chronic sufferers, will tell you that there is no doubt that they have experienced a 10.  Often we feel that 10 doesn't even begin to express how agonizing we feel.  What comes to mind is the scene from "This is Spinal Tap".  We need a scale that goes to 11. Or more. Because we HAVE been there.

For us there is no doubt that the pain we have is a 10, and we PRAY that there is nothing worse than this.  Everyday we wake up to experience and put that 10 to the test.  There is a great blog called Hyperbole and a Half...she came up with an incredibly good pain scale, and believe me, some of us find it so much more appropriate when dealing with real pain on a daily basis.

There are many of us that LIVE AT 10 DAILY!!!!!  Their doctors tell them they don't want them to have pain medications because they are addictive, or because they (the doctors) don't believe in them. Imagine now being faced with agony, an 11, every day.  There is no life for you.  You cannot participate in the simplest things. Sitting at the table for a family meal is often quite beyond you. Really, all you can do is cry because of the pain and knowing it isn't going to get any better for you.  Tomorrow will be the same, and the day after that, and so on.  Life becomes bleak, and we mourn over and over, the life we used to have.  We dream of the days we could push through the pain.  We wish for death just to have an end to the pain.  

In 2004, my family took a trip to Las Vegas.  I didn't know at that time that change in air pressure and weather were my biggest trigger.  Our plane was caught in a cloud to cloud thunderstorm.  The Flight Attendant was strapped into her seat and said it was one of the worst storms she had ever been in.  I was in agony.  I wished that the lightning would hit the plane and kill me.  My husband and children were with me on that flight, not to mention all the innocent people there as well.   I didn't care!!!  I can not convey the horror of the type of pain that would make me wish death on those I loved the most!!!!  That is my 10.  How can anything be represented by just numbers, when words aren't enough to describe it???

I understand the need to have parameters to measure pain. I also understand the need to regulate drugs and prevent drug abuse. However... When it comes to being chronic and intractable there needs to be more understanding.  Yes, we are drug seekers, but not in the way you think.  Drugs don't get us "high," they go to the pain. Mostly. They address the pain. Incompletely. But they make it just a bit better. We want an end to our pain.  I have been one of the lucky ones.  The experimental stimulator has done wonders and brought my daily 10's to 6 1/2; with Botox, there has been more improvement, a 5, but that doesn't mean I'm still with out pain.   There is a whole other level of pain in my head, aside from what they are treating at the surface.  Migraines can move.  Just because I'm not feeling them in my head, they are still effecting my body. There are still feelings from the auras, prodrome effects, the hungover feeling, lethargy, and more.  I'm not "better" just improved. 

I don't know that if I will ever be "better."  I can't give up hope that I can have some kind of life again. As of now, I don't go anywhere other than my cave...aka the laundry is the darkest and quietest room in the house.  This is where I spend my days, eat my meals, and live my life when I'm too sick to move. I continue though, thanks to the availability of social media, to try to raise awareness in the hope that my daughter doesn't end up with this life.

I am happy to announce that will now be working along with  Advanced Migraine Relief and Treatment Center, LLC (AMRTC) to help raise awareness and help people get the help the so desperately need 

Sunday, June 10, 2012


One of the hardest things to convey to people (aside from the daily agony) is how isolating this life is.  For an adult, it is bad enough, but most of us that are "chronic" started our suffering as children and teens.  If there is little understanding for us, as adults, there is none at all for children and teenagers.

We all want to belong.  As teens, it is especially hard. They're already struggling to find out who they are, learning to become independent, to make the transition between childhood and life as an adult. They're very influenced by their peers at this age - what others think or say about them can be lead to elation...or devastation...  Children can be very cruel in their comments (a trait that's all too often learned from their parents).  Now imagine that you are 16, and no one wants to bother with you because you are always sick with an illness no one can illness that sometimes even your family doesn't understand. You can't participate because the added activity makes you want to throw up, makes your head pound, makes life if it wasn't bad enough to have to give up your youth, you have to give up friendships, too... The teen years are difficult enough without adding in chronic migraines. Chronic migraines are debilitating enough without adding being a teen.

The world is a hard place.  That lesson shouldn't have to be learned at such a young age.  Please check out the blog of Caitlin, a high school teen, trying to deal with life while suffering from chronic migraine.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Welcome to Chronic Migraine Time

Stephen King told a story called "My Pretty Pony Time."  Wikipedia gives us a summary of what this means - do you remember when you were little, how everything took s-o-o-o-o-o long, but "how when you grow up, it begins to move faster and faster, slipping away from you in great chunks if you don't hold tightly onto it. Time is a pretty pony, with a wicked heart." Time does seem to speed up as we get older.

The thing is, just as I am sure there is Pretty Pony Time, there is also Migraine Time.

Migraine Time is the time it takes to get things done vs. the things we want to get done and when they are actually accomplished.  In real time, you wake up, brush your teeth, maybe take a shower, and go about your day.  In Migraine Time, it feels like you are moving through Jell-o, making choices that require extra attention and extra time, all while playing a game of "how bad is the pain" followed by  that "uproarious" *cough* sequel, "Do I Have Enough Medication to LAST?" *sigh* Always a crowd pleaser, right?

Migraine Time happens in a fog. Migraine Time happens in THE Fog. A person in real time doesn't think twice. They're able to just DO things. We HAVE to think twice before we CAN do things. Sometimes we even have to think twice while we're doing. The whole time...

Migraines don't care about deadlines, in fact working under the added pressure is sure to bring on another attack, or, if we're already working with a deadline and a migraine both, to make sure that migraine is every bit as awful as it can possibly be.  We have to learn how to do things in other ways.  We can't just do things the way non-sufferers do.  Everything we do is more of an effort; it requires Special Handling.

By the time you read this blog, as of June 3rd, 2012,  we have launched a website:  Chronic Migraine Awareness  is now a live site for anyone with access to a computer can learn and feel at home.  With the help of many suffering friends, we have worked hard through our pain.  Most of us are unemployable because of the level of our disease, it's hard to make an employer happy when you're not even able to sit at a computer for more than 15 minutes at a time. Case in point - we have all tried to hard to have this site launched by the start of Migraine Awareness Month. This is a site about migraines, after all! But it's a site about Chronic Migraines...and with Chronic Migraines, we laugh...and remind ourselves that we're living with Migraine Time. We remind ourselves that The Migraine always has other plans... *sigh* With us, we can plan on the very real possibility that our (almost- to completely-constant) migraine will ratchet the pain up, throw in some auras, maybe a bit of vertigo - there's no END to the fun! *cough* It will keep us in bed, or in the bathroom being sick, or like me, in my "cave" - to everyone else it might be my laundry room, but to me, it's a refuge...the quietest, darkest room in the house. There we are, unable to do anything, existing on the sidelines, in Migraine Time again.  It will last for hours, maybe days, and that is just ONE migraine.  For us, though, "she" never comes alone!!!  Every month, for people with chronic migraines, "she" brings 15 or more of her friend along with the "party"...

So, the point is that, our new website is going to be done in Migraine Time.  It is a work in progress, we are doing our best while suffering and looking through one eye.  Welcome to Chronic Migraine Time!!.  Things get done when they get done, because that is the only way we can do anything.......BUT WE DO!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Chronic Migraine and Suicide Awareness Day~ CM&SADay

When I hear about someone, especially a friend, trying to - or, worse, succeeding in the effort to - commit suicide, I try so hard to put myself in their shoes. It is so hard to understand what someone must have been going through to cause them to attempt suicide.  Why didn't they talk to someone? Why didn't they talk to me?? What didn't we understand?? How could things have been that bad?? How could I not have known...?
  It's so hard to understand...for most people. For some of us, though, it's so easy. Too easy... Way too easy... For many chronic migraine sufferers, especially for those of us who have been labeled "intractable," the "why" is very easily answered.  We live at the maximum range of any pain scale you might imagine (and then some!) after day...week after week...with very little respite.
Add to that the idea that we have been to multiple multiple disciplines...and each of them, after trying multiple things, has passed us on to another doctor, effectively washing their hands of us (why, I've even been told by a doctor that he was washing his hands of me!)
  From there, understand that doctors, if their "on our side," are fighting a system that says that pain medication is bad. And it is, in so many ways, but...
  What the system doesn't realize, or at least, doesn't acknowledge, is limiting pain medication because we might become addicted sounds very much, to us, like limiting breathing for the same reason.

We don't ask for pain medication without first being in pain. We are often (usually) on preventatives of one kind or another. Often of several kinds. We also take "abortives" - medication that is supposed to stop the migraine. All too often, it doesn't.
For us, chronic pain means that we always have some degree of pain. Always. And, as any normal person would, we will always want to be rid of it. Heck, we would often be more than satisfied just to get the pain somewhere in the realm of a normal level.  The pain in our heads is like being stabbed in the head with the sharpest knife, over and over again. Our brains feel like they have expanded to at least twice the size and ought to explode from the pressure.  Sometimes this pressure goes behind our eyes, making us wish they could pop out...and making us pretty darned sure that it's quite possible that could happen.  All of this is just one aspect or layer of the things our bodies go through.  

With each migraine there are symptoms that will alert us that the pain is coming, like the clouds rolling in. Often weather is a trigger so that storm that you see is what we are feeling.  With every lightning strike there is that echo of pain in our head.  When the storm has passed there is the damage left in its wake.  Again this effects us physically.  We are worn out, exhausted, spent, feeling like we've been hit by a Mac truck...feeling that the driver backed up and did it over and over again... But we can feel that next storm coming, and we have no time to recover from the onslaught of pain before it is here again. This is your life, day after day when you are an intractable migraine sufferer.  No one listens.  You are a prisoner of your own body.  You are called names like lazy for not making more of an effort.  If there were any way to not suffer without having to take meds, believe me, we would do it.  We want nothing more than to be part of life, society, and our families rather than crying, in bed and isolated. Again.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel; there's just more tunnel.  There is no relief, just a break, sometimes, before the next one hits.  This is what drives people to end their lives, not because they want to die, they just want an end to their white-hot, searing pain.  To know that they have some control in their lives, because it is regularly taken away from us by the very people we look to for help - uncaring, under-educated medical professionals.  This isn't a paper cut, and it certainly isn't just a headache!!  These are chronic, agonizing migraines, happening one on top of the other, lasting days and sometimes weeks long.  Sleep doesn't relieve it, if it can be achieved at all.  You are faced, day after day, with this bleakness.  Here is the stupid thing... It really doesn't have to be this way!!!!!!!!

 We need more education for the medical world, more understanding from the medical world.  

There are some in the medical field that believe they are doing us a favor by not prescribing narcotics because of fear of addiction.  There is a physical component to addiction...but there's an even bigger physical component to pain.

Doctor, heal thyself...then, please...heal us, too!