Wednesday, April 11, 2012
In science we are told that everything essentially comes down to energy. We are also told that 2 types of energy, positive and negative. Like with magnets, when faced with the opposing forces they repel. In math, a positive and positive equals a positive. We need to apply this concept to our lives. What ever we put out into the universe is what we will get back.
There was a time in my life that I was the moron magnet. I would attract all the wackos. After much soul searching and growing it became clear to me that I was attracting this type because it was what I was putting out there to the world. I had low self esteem, felt unlovable, damaged, also sick with migraines but at this time I had no clue. I was a murphy's pessimist, meaning that not only did I think the glass was half empty, I was waiting for someone to drink the rest on me. It was just a matter of time before something bad would happen.
In 1990 my niece Katherine Mary was born, and died 16 hours later from SIDS. How could something like this happen??? This innocent soul?? How could I ever by happy or smile after this?? Well obviously I did. I learned that to survive that I needed to find something to make her life matter. I had to find some good to come from her death. So began my journey to find the good in everything, I was resolved to find a blessing with anything that seemed like a loss or indignity. No bad experience would be wasted, only learned from. I also started to notice that the more good I found the more that came back to me. Finding the bad in things was too easy. Looking for the positive was often more work but it was worth it.
So what does this have to do with migraines? Well in March of 2009 I had the chance to do something positive not just for me but also for, you my pain pal!! I entered the study for a Peripheral Nerve Stimulator at Northshore LIJ. It has been a life saver. The deciding factor was that my daughter, then 12yrs old had her first migraine and it was hell. This no longer became about me, it was about her and all of us that suffer to the point of wanting to end our lives. This was going to be the positive thing I would do. It took me four surgeries to get it right, that is another story. I haven't regretted it for one moment. Since then I have created support groups and have been able to help many people. It is just a drop in the bucket compared to those that need help but I'm hoping that the long term positive will be awareness and a cure for all of us.