Us and Them

Often we are surrounded by people that do not understand what it is like to live with chronic migraines, or any type of chronic pain.  We forget what it is like to be in pain.  If we didn't our instincts would kick in and we would go no where out of the fear of pain. Also there would never be any siblings, I wasn't given the luxury of an epidural with the delivery of my children and was given only Demerol.

What our family and friends need to know~We already live our lives with so much guilt.  We aren't able to be  the spouse, parent to our own children, good child to the aging parent, sibling when it applies or employer if we are still able to hold down a job.  We push through the pain and pretend like it isn't there trying to fool ourselves and those around us that we are able to do things like we did with out the pain.  The people around us don't always appreciate that.  Instead of support we are greeted with negativity.  Things are said like "you are sick again??...you are always sick".  If there were anything else we could be doing other than suffering, we would gladly do it. When you start hearing you are shit day after day, sooner or later you will begin to think you stink.

What we, as sufferers need to remember~ You are sick, you can't possibly produce and be as effective as someone that is healthy so don't try to keep up.  You have to go at your own pace and learn to say no.  This is often the hardest thing to do.  We don't want to feel like we are being difficult and then take on tasks that we will most definitely pay for it later.   Be your own best friend!!!  Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.  Don't neglect yourself.  Making yourself a priority.  Taking care of yourself and seeing that your needs are met will make you a better person all around.  Pushing yourself when you are chronic will present itself somehow physically.  This does no one any good.  If  you are one of those that has control issues, you need to learn to delegate.  This requires as much control as doing it yourself.  If you have others in your home that are capable then they should be doing their part too.

Parents with the wrong words

One of the things that is the most difficult to deal w/is the comments from our parents.......take these things into consideration the next time they say something insensitive....

We expect as parents that they should know the right thing to say and support us.......but if you take away the family connection and just see them as people you might not even like them.....in my case this true w/my father......he never understood my illness and he saw me as weak.....his comments were hurtful

What did society teach him/them about pain, mostly it is was suck it up, don't talk about it, deal w/it in private......their era wasn't about talking and sharing...it was about sweeping things under the carpet

What is he/she like as a person....again take away the fact they are related to you.....do you act more the parent??? do you sometimes wonder why they don't respond like adults??........some people don't mature, just because they are in full grown bodies and have survived to a ripe age, doesn't mean they have matured mentally.......adding in what society has taught them about how to deal w/issues and poof you have a parent that says mean, hurtful or unsupportive comments......learn to distance yourself and you will be able to cope w/them a little better.

If you happen to be a parent now, you have that perspective of knowing we don't have all the answers, neither did our parents....we now have medical advances and support groups....we don't sweep as many things under the carpet ....we are bringing attention to our pain.........things will be better for the next generation, or better yet a cure